Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
