Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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