i just wanna soil my oats bro
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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