I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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