I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
