I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
