I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize