I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
