I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
