maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
