Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
