well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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