Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
