Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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