me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
