Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
