he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
