Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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