he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
