i was born a porn star she said
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
