the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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