she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
