i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
