Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize