Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
