Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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