Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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