guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
