do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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