Heybabeimwearingurpanties
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
