So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My vagina is very pro this idea
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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