Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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