Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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