im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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