it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
