She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
