Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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