got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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