The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how can u be prego again
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
