I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
