I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
