I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
