U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
