either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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