My room smells like vodka and shame
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize