I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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