Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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