so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
