I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
