We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
