I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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