Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
