I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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