turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
