Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
