It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
