Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
