Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
