At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
