omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
