Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he laminated a picture of his dick.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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