i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
