I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
