I cannot find my penis.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
