Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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