i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
