peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
